Kanye West is very successful rapper, but he also won the World Douchebag Championship for an 11th consecutive year. But just like everyone else, Kanye does have feelings, and these are 11 things Kanye does when he having a not-so good day.
1. If he just wants to clear his head for a while he’ll turn on Coldplay and circle around his house on his Vespa for a few hours.
2. If someone recognizes him as a celebrity, he’ll pretend to be Wayne Brady and angrily flip them off.
3. Just to let off a bit of steam, he’ll call his skirt guy and buy $80,000 in leather skirts. He won’t wear them all, but just knowing he has them makes him feel safe.
4. He’ll spend hours in his sketch room trying to visualize his frustrations. If the cleaning lady moved any of his chalk or brushes, he has them fired immediately.
5. Hot yoga no longer helps him calm down, so now he’s on this thing where he does yoga in a room where women are giving birth. It costs thousands of dollars but he claims it sort of helps.
6. He has a folder on his laptop called “Happier Times” (probably before he married Kim) and it’s just pictures of him posing with different baked goods at farmer’s markets. He’ll look at those and breathe deeply.
7. If he gets stuck in traffic he’ll call Kim Kardashian and make her put their dogs on the phone. He can only hear them breathing and panting, but he’ll carry on a full conversation and make sure they’re not disappointed in him.
8. Usually he’s OK to eat any type of kale, but after a loss, if the kale isn’t fresh he’ll just lie his head on the table and loudly weep until it’s been taken away.
9. If one DJ skips a beat during a show, he’ll attempt to prank call them afterwards. They always know it’s him because everyone has caller ID. He gets even more upset when they know it’s him. He still does it every time.
10. If Kanye gets really rattled, he’ll Facetime with Jay-Z and make him watch as he practices playing “Wonderwall” on an acoustic guitar.
11. If he has a driver for the ride home from a show, he’ll call and make sure they have at least three different kinds of hummus in the back prepared for him. His hummus taste really just depends on his mood.
Such a sad life. -EE